Words that hurt, words that heal....how to choose words wisely and well..
Even though I've read this excellent book by Rabbi Telushkin: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0688124453/102-9153946-7260945?v=glance&n=283155
I still struggle with this. I'll give an example: I have a student in a class who is a junior college transfer. He is taking a class that, while technically he has the prerequisites for (a programming course aeons ago), he really doesn't have the prerequisite knowledge for. Basically, this engineering major is struggling mightily to be able to add a couple of lines of code to a program in a high level programming language. (that is, this language is a part of a software package; one doesn't need to compile these programs).
Anyway he e-mailed me and told me that he was giving up on a problem as he "was out of resources". I replied via e-mail that we had a library full of references and that he should quit feeling sorry for himself and try to learn a bit of this language (the prerequisite material).
Oh my goodness were his feelings hurt! Now I am a mean, uncaring professor. (had I really been uncaring, I would have written the lines of code for him to get him out of my hair).
The problem is, of course, is that I responded to him in the way that I was taught. I think that I really benefited from the "tough love" approach.
But not everyone is the same, and sometimes there are different ways to convey a message.
From what I've read, the best football coaches understand that; they know who needs to be pushed, who will break from being pushed, and so on. And this student; let's just say that I don't see him really excelling in academics in the near future; his "just making it" with his degree would probably be good for him.
And so I learn...
I still struggle with this. I'll give an example: I have a student in a class who is a junior college transfer. He is taking a class that, while technically he has the prerequisites for (a programming course aeons ago), he really doesn't have the prerequisite knowledge for. Basically, this engineering major is struggling mightily to be able to add a couple of lines of code to a program in a high level programming language. (that is, this language is a part of a software package; one doesn't need to compile these programs).
Anyway he e-mailed me and told me that he was giving up on a problem as he "was out of resources". I replied via e-mail that we had a library full of references and that he should quit feeling sorry for himself and try to learn a bit of this language (the prerequisite material).
Oh my goodness were his feelings hurt! Now I am a mean, uncaring professor. (had I really been uncaring, I would have written the lines of code for him to get him out of my hair).
The problem is, of course, is that I responded to him in the way that I was taught. I think that I really benefited from the "tough love" approach.
But not everyone is the same, and sometimes there are different ways to convey a message.
From what I've read, the best football coaches understand that; they know who needs to be pushed, who will break from being pushed, and so on. And this student; let's just say that I don't see him really excelling in academics in the near future; his "just making it" with his degree would probably be good for him.
And so I learn...
posted by Harriet at
2/07/2006 06:13:00 PM
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